Transmuting Extremely Difficult Emotions

“The way is long, arduous, dangerous, difficult. At every step is an ambush, at every turn a pitfall. A thousand seen or unseen enemies will start up against thee, terrible in subtlety against thy ignorance, formidable in power against thy weakness. And when with pain thou hast destroyed them, other thousands will surge up to take their place. Hell will vomit its hordes to oppose thee and enring and wound and menace; Heaven will meet thee with its pitiless tests and its cold luminous denials. Thou shalt find thyself alone in the anguish, the demons furious in thy path, the Gods unwilling above thee. Ancient and powerful, cruel, unvanquished and close and innumerable are the dark and dreadful Powers that profit by the reign of the Night and Ignorance and would have no change and are hostile. Each step forward is a battle…

Doubtless the help is there even when it seems to be withdrawn, but still is there the appearance of total night with no sun to come and no star of hope to pierce the blackness.” – The Law of the Way, Sri Aurobindo, 1927


Anxiety. Depression. Self-loathing. Fear. Terror. Shame. Anger. Hatred. Rage. Grief. Humiliation. Despair. Ruin.

No one escapes from these terrible experiences on the Earth plane, but some of us have experienced far more than our share of them. Strangely, the more we reach for the so-called Light, the harder the Darkness may descend upon us. Even bringing up the subject of our darkest emotions is so taboo, so utterly forbidden that this suppression deepens their darkness, like the most disgusting bacteria-laden slime that gathers in clogged pipes and sewers. There are agonies and fears we don’t talk about until they’ve been exploited on the evening news due to some gruesome encounter or another. Some of us have become paralyzed with the fear of mind itself breaking, of giving way – the fear of not only hurting ourselves but of hurting others.

Experiencing a 7-year crisis of pain and debilitation beginning in my late teens has left a mark in my consciousness that enabled me to understand the psychic and physical torment of others. I developed extensive autoimmune illness, which means that my own immune system was attacking itself, in too many ways to list here. In addition, the journey leading up to that was not quite pleasant either. I was slow, different, and disconcerting to those around me. A displaced childhood, repeated experiences of being harshly ridiculed and devalued in school by both peers and teachers, and multiple family traumas all contributed to my combined physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual makeup.

What I have come to realize in my life is that this taboo of dark and difficult emotions does is create extreme divisions within our consciousness and extreme isolation, both physically and emotionally. It then becomes too difficult to voice our pain, to reach out for help, to continue trying to climb out of the hole that seems bottomless, like a vacuum for all of our hopes and dreams.

We each have different reasons for our soul wrenching emotions, ranging from birth, death, illness, trauma and other major life changes. Whatever the causes may be, our own personal suffering is linked with that of the entire world. It is important for us to understand that the Universe may be kind, but our emotions are directly targeted and attacked through the media, pharmaceutical drugs, GMOS (and other food poisoning), and multiple methods of remote mind control. It’s not easy to be where we are at this point in time, on this particular planet, with all of the myriad challenges that we are faced with on a daily basis.

To find a solution, we first must usually address the underlying problem. This does not necessarily mean to shine a bright light upon it, bring it to a handyman, doctor, priest, or shrink. It means to acknowledge what is there. How is this problem affecting us? What is it saying to us? How did we come to be so vulnerable to this experience?

Malidoma Patrice Some, PhD states that mental disorders are spiritual emergencies and need to be regarded as such. The Dagara people view crisis such as these as “good news from the otherworld”. Many native cultures have this same belief and a practice of honoring darkness in its many forms as a teacher, rather than a cruel punishment without cause.

How Extremely Difficult Emotions Can be Transmuted

To transmute means to change the form or substance of something. If we transmute our difficult and toxic emotions we’re not rejecting them or merely discharging them. We are using them as fuel. We are gathering their accumulated energies aimed toward destruction and rerouting them toward healing and growth.

In Retrograde motion, Pluto’s regenerative powers are directed inward. This planet of deep purging and transformation went Retrograde on April 18th and goes direct on September 26th, giving us a fair amount of time to heal from some deep traumas and recover or build our strength on emotional and physical levels.

What I keep coming back to as a personal solution time and time again is energy medicine. It might not work for everyone, but many people and animals respond to vibrational healing modalities because all of us are made of vibrations. I do use herbs, take supplements occasionally, and choose organic foods that are in season.

Here’s a brief list of effective tools for transmutation:

Art – In my experience this is far more productive than talking about your issues to somebody across from you holding a notepad and a pen. Part of the beauty of art is that you don’t necessarily have to be an “Artist” to do it. Dare to make a mess on canvas. Sculpt how you feel with clay, play an instrument, make sand castles or collages out of scraps of paper. It can be liberating.

Music – You can crank it up, sing it, play it, dance to it. As Nietzsche said, “life without music would be a mistake.”

Whether I share most of my own compositions with the world or not they are still therapeutic for me. To me, the experience of music is one of those major essentials in life and not just an afterthought like some figurine on a table.

“Music is the most powerful medium in the world because of the frequencies. You’re hitting places in people that remind them that you’re more than just this functional being that makes money, eats, shits and comes.” – eloquent words by Tori Amos

Nutrition  – The food we eat can be harmful, neutral, or medicinal. Originally food from the earth was meant to be nourishing and medicinal but over the past century has become one of the biggest danger zones ever. To add insult to injury, preservatives and garbage we can’t even pronounce are added to processed foods stripped of their nutrients. Even if we stay clear of that kind of food, the air we breathe is not free of toxins. This is a subject for another post though. Supplementing with foods rich in essential fatty acids such as coconut oil and eating avocados can be helpful in elevating the mood, if allergies are not present. Dark leafy green veggies contain important minerals that support cognitive functions.

Flower Essences (which falls in the category of energy medicine) – Each organ of the body has a corresponding positive and negative emotion attributed to it. The liver is the largest organ, and in Chinese medicine it is regarded as the warehouse of all of our most negative and toxic emotions. For states of extreme hatred, jealousy, anger and rage the flower essence of Holly can be like a sweet balm for the troubled soul experiencing them.

To face our fears and release traumatic imprints, we may sometimes need to re-parent ourselves in an area where we feel stuck in some form of infancy. We might need to provide our own reassurance, nurturing, verbal affection and discipline toward healing and empowerment. The flower essence of Fairy Lantern may be helpful in accepting this inner responsibility and moving out of codependency.

For those moments when nothing makes sense and life itself seems a kind of torture, I either reach for Rescue Remedy (easy to find these days – it even comes in the form of gum and candy) or one of its five key ingredients, Cherry Plum.

Whatever difficult emotions you might be feeling right now, remember that you are not those emotions, just like you are not your body. You are not even your mind or any of the thoughts inhabiting it. You are spirit, here for a unique purpose that no one else can fulfill but you.

Love, bliss, divinity are all words used to describe what we truly are in essence. It can take some work to see past all of the thick layers of junk and illusions that we have accumulated here. I know it’s not easy, and how much it hurts. I also know that we are here for so much more than an experience of suffering.

Holistic Astrology and Counseling

My method of conducting an astrology reading includes life coaching techniques and other tools for transmuting negative states. People from all walks of life, both well-adjusted and deeply disturbed have come to me for guidance for seventeen years. Many have reported back to me with significant breakthroughs. What I aim to do is not merely to foretell their future but offer reflections so that life choices that were previously invisible to them begin to appear. You can book an appointment with me at

“Healing comes when the individual remembers his or her identity – the purpose chosen in the world of ancestral wisdom – and reconnects with that world of Spirit.” – Dr. Some


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