As Venus and Mars both transit through Libra and the Sun through Scorpio leading up to an extra Venusean Full Moon on Friday the 3rd, I have a sort of confession to make. It is relative to topics recently circulating about mistreatment by men toward women. I’m not denying the very real abuse that occurs but rather wish to make a special statement of gratitude toward certain men and certain types of men in general.
There are many men in my life who have made a huge impact on my overall growth and I would like to say thank you, wherever you are. I’d also like to share a bit of my story with women, just because it seems relevant to the times we’re in.
First, don’t get me wrong and think this is some sort of sappy “I love men” post. This is no way ignores the betrayal, minimization, and violations that women have experienced on this earth. Also, I’ve had my share of all-out verbal brawls with asshole alpha males and told creepy men to back off in no uncertain terms on multiple occasions.
Truth be told, when I look at the overall picture of where I’ve been, it is men who have helped me through the hardest of times. I simply wouldn’t be who and where I am today without all these magnificent and gifted men. Most of my mentors, healers, teachers, protectors, allies and benefactors in this lifetime have been men. This was not at all what I looked for or expected but has been a huge contradiction to my childhood impression of men being big scary monsters rather than humans with caring hearts. Maybe that’s why they have showed up for me in such amazing ways, to slowly dissolve the overwhelming feeling of disdain and distrust I had toward them. Even the jerks in my path have taught me extremely valuable lessons that have made me stronger in every way.
Women who have been abused by men, I totally hear you and feel that pain. During a high school phase I thought was a feminist because I didn’t care for guys in general but dreamt of being like Xena warrior princess. Then I realized I wasn’t truly feminist because most women annoyed me to fucking bits and I just hated people, period. My growing hatred toward humanity as a whole is part of what made me sick to near-death. The anger and disgust I felt became immobilizing to my body, not for a few days but for a few years.
Throughout the years I’ve seen some women use and abuse men as their work/money or sex slaves and manipulate them in other horrible ways. Objectification swings either direction (and children are treated even worse) but that’s not something we are comfortable talking about in our PC culture. It’s a god awful thing to behold, as awful as any other type of domestic or relationship abuse. What a hell of a world we live in.
But here’s my main point…
Although each of us has both feminine and masculine qualities, the more we as women can appreciate, respect and adore the masculine qualities of men the more they can appreciate, adore and respect our feminine qualities and support us in general. Part of enabling this to happen is to allow men to be imperfect (all within reason – not talking about psychopathic disorders here) while also recognizing our own imperfections and working toward improvement. Instead of victimization or violence, conversation may arise.
Effective relating to others in general is a type of skill that takes practice. For instance, rather than attacking a man for what I perceive as a huge character flaw I personally have to ask myself, do I contribute to this flaw in some way, and if not, how can I quiet this reactivity within myself that perhaps stems from prior abuse, so that rather than conflicts a new level of understanding may arise? Self-defense against attack is another matter, but the first step is to avoid any attacks to begin with.
In situations where one is being taken for granted in a relationship, it is equally important to know when to walk away – when to stop giving and giving for nothing but heartache in return.
As we cultivate greater self-respect, the idiots begin to fall away or lessen in numbers. Those true and graceful men who are willing to show up or step up will do so. The more we authentic we are with each other, the more space is allowed for our best qualities to shine. Then a true healing between the sexes can begin.